The 'It' Factor

    You know those people who just have ‘it’?   Everyone wants to be around them.  They are magnanimous: joyful, confident, and generous.  They are happy to be themselves.  I want to be like that.  But the pursuit is frustrating and fascinating; ‘it’ seems always attainable but just out of reach. 

     I've tried to acquire ‘it’ by imitation (because joy, confidence, and generosity are great qualities).  I've tried to acquire ‘it’ by pursuing originality (because I know that I am created uniquely to be me).  But I am left restless, still wanting whatever ‘it’ is.  

Finding 'it' is part elusive, part frantic.  Yes, just like this.

     'It' is not just being funny, or kind, or a good listener, or generous, or happy, though these are good and imitable.  Pope John Paul II said that we are not the sum of our weaknesses and failures.  I think we are also not the sum of our gifts and successes.  We are the sum of our Father's love for us.  

     No, what these people have, this ‘it’, is the deep peace resulting from the struggle and beauty of allowing the light of Christ to shine in their darkness, healing and revealing their true selves.  These people have had an encounter with one who knows them and wants them in all their fullness.  They have the better part which will not be taken from them. 

     Allowing Christ’s light to shine into darkness is uncomfortable and unnerving because what will be revealed is not yet known.  But equally – actually more - uncomfortable and unnerving is darkness; the restless strive to ‘create myself’ through an endless game of imitation and originality.  So let there be light. 

     Once I am convinced that darkness is scarier than light, it begins.  We walk through my soul.  As I watch Jesus teach me about each thing we see along the way, it becomes easier and easier to trust Him.  He brings clarity, peace, and simplicity to what was confused, unknown, and tainted.  My idea of finding 'it' through imitation and originality fades in the light of the glory of His new creation.  And I am not alone in aching for light to shine.  

At the beginning I said there were Personalities in God.  I will go further now.  There are no real personalities anywhere else.  Until you have given up yourself to Him you will not have a real self.  Sameness is to be found most among the most ‘natural’ men, not among those who surrender to Christ.  How monotonously alike all the great tyrants and conquerors have been: how gloriously different are the saints.                                                                                              - C.S. Lewis

The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it.  

John 1:5

Final Sale! [or, happily and literally, the point of no return]

I was happy to walk into one of my favorite stores to discover that they were having a sale on sale items.  Fortune smiled on me as I snagged great finds at great prices.  As I came to the register, the clerk said “Just so you know, these items are on final sale.”

“Okay, that’s fine, thanks.”  A smooth response on the exterior was accompanied by an inward moment of brief panic, a darting scan through my items, aaaand the moment of decision.  (Very important matters here.)  I bought them all. 

As I have unpacked or worn the items this week, each time I rip off a tag, I am reminded that I don’t need to deliberate; I already made the decision, these are mine, and I might as well wear the heck out of ‘em and enjoy the odd sense of freedom that comes with the ‘final sale’ decision. 

                

The month has been full of good conversations.  Recently I spoke with a friend about the impossibility of having a cake and eating it too.  Other than the obvious point of the proverb (I must choose one thing or the other), it’s worth noting that by wanting both options but failing to decide, I lose both options.  By staying committed to indecision, inner paralysis wins, no choice is exercised, and neither option gets a fair shake.    

But, if a choice is made, if one option is pursued, I can learn if it’s right or wrong.  I can experience joy and sorrow instead of paralysis.  And I can just experience…period.  Using what I am given, in the time that I have, keeping goodness and truth in mind, I just need to choose.  

“And you have your choices.  These are what make man great, his ladder to the stars.”

- Timshel, Mumford & Sons

“Until one is committed, there is hesitancy, the chance to draw back-- Concerning all acts of initiative (and creation), there is one elementary truth that ignorance of which kills countless ideas and splendid plans: that the moment one definitely commits oneself, then Providence moves too. All sorts of things occur to help one that would never otherwise have occurred. A whole stream of events issues from the decision, raising in one's favor all manner of unforeseen incidents and meetings and material assistance, which no man could have dreamed would have come his way. Whatever you can do, or dream you can do, begin it. Boldness has genius, power, and magic in it. Begin it now.” 

- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

Dear Little Chemist

Dear little chemist,

For a week, you have the joy and frustration of performing qualitative analysis.  A few days ago I gave you your very own vial containing ‘unknown’ crystals.  You were given possibilities of what may be inside, but you must figure it out armed with a keen eye, chemicals, and a handy book of instructions.  Not too bad…right?

Former students do a wonderful job of providing intimidation and anticipation so that you become understandably nervous, excited, and slightly terrified to begin. 

looks like koolaid...but I promise you won't like it

didn't they tell you to never trust white powders?

brought to you by seafoam green

The quote on our board on Day 1, from Yoda, was “Do or do not.  There is no try.”  That’s a grand piece of advice, don’t you think?  So exciting (tongue in cheek)…unless you’re actually expected to begin something you’re unsure of.   You’re doing things you’ve never done, and don’t know what to look for next (onset of panic: check).  I’m serious when I say that it is quite terrible to begin something that will likely fail on its way to success.  I told you there was a chance that you'd walk up to the counter to tell me your guess and you'd be dead wrong.  Today, that happened to you four times.  I saw your eyes get big and tears well up behind those goofy green goggles.  I could barely take it.  You're a smart guy, but those crystals wouldn't let you commit identity theft.

It seems you did all that work for nothing.  What’s worse is that you have to turn right around and march back to your lab bench, back to the same rotten vial, and figure the stupid thing out.  To make matters unbearable, it seems that your peers are clipping along at interstate speed while your map blew out the window.  (Although I know you won’t believe me, half of them are in your shoes, little man.)

no I do not take pictures of students in the peak of frustration...but this comes close to  what I see 

I knew you’d get frustrated.  I knew you would doubt yourself, and you knew it too.  I even told you yesterday, “I know you will struggle with this, and that's okay.  When you don’t trust yourself, trust me.  You’ve just got to keep going.  Trust that you have everything you need.”  Another nice piece of advice, but oh-so-tough to follow when the rubber meets the road and you have to move though you know not where or why. 

Minutes later, you came and asked for a piece of hydrion paper (this laboratory wonder is used to confirm a certain chemical…little did you know it was going to reveal your unknown!).  You had no clue you were so close.  I did, and it was agonizing to keep a straight face.

I knew it would be unfair to you if I celebrated before your time had come.  There is more to this project than just getting the right answers.  It’s called bolstering your backbone.  When – not if, but when you get the wrong answer, I don’t want you to crumble.  With all my heart, I want to see you rely on memories, resources, creativity, encouragement, and above all Trust.  Trust that your time will come; Trust that revelation will happen as you take risks to try new tests and techniques. 

this illustrates your face the best: half shock, half victory.  

On April 6^th, I accepted a job to teach chemistry at another school.  Yes, I am excited, but I meet my new students on August 15^th.  So for four months it seems like all I’m doing is leaving…leaving students I love, leaving a school I love, leaving activities I’m involved in, leaving a city I love.  Not many signs of new beginnings yet, you know?  

I was taken aback by how clearly my situation matches that of my students.  There is an anxiety that arises in the face of the unknown, and stays until fears are resigned.  Sometimes it seems that my fear can be relieved by an answer, but I know answers don’t provide the deepest relief.  Deep peace comes from being in this with someone: Jesus Christ.  He has been to Hell (fear, loneliness, angst, darkness) and triumphed with His light.  I’ll stick with Him.  In the midst of our "unknowns", He wants us keep going, walking, loving, doing although we do not understand the ‘why’ and ‘where’ of it all.  And to have Faith in what we know through memories, thoughts, desires, and promises that our joy will be complete.  

This Weather is Out of Control

“How’s the weather?” 

Even in the dog days of summer (named such because of a star -Sirius in the canis major constellation - that appears during the summertime in the northern latitudes), the topic is an icebreaker.  People record the weather, try to predict it, and write songs about the wind, blue skies, cold days, autumn, storms, rain, and sun.

taken on mah birthday.  no digital enhancement, just beauty...and a good thunderstorm later.

awesome.  unless you took this from the window of a plane.   

     Tornadoes have been lurking around these parts.  Even this afternoon, I hear feel the wind pommeling the 3^rd story like it’s not even here.  A little part of me wants to locate the specs on my windows to be sure they can stand the gusts.  But barring a break-in by the west wind, I’ll keep writing. 

the smoky mountains of tennessee.  

     Yes-sirree, the weather is easy to talk about.  It happens to all of us.  Bad, good, or somewhere in between, the weather can beautify, destruct, taunt, and control.  Whatever it can do to us, we can do nothing to it.  Come what may, the only possible thing we can do is let it roll through, beautiful or otherwise.  [Well actually there’s this thing called cloud seeding.  We may be onto something, but so far it hasn't made a huge dent.] 

my evening view.

     I used to* dress for how I wanted it to be outside.  You betcha.  My college degree has paid off.  Yours truly still thinks this works…kidding…kind of.  Bottom line, as frustrating as it can be, I/you/we can’t really change the weather. 

     Secretly, I think this is why people are continually fascinated by it.  It’s all at once terrifying and relieving to have things out of your control.  It puts us all in the same boat.  The weather plays no favorites and has no predetermined enemies.  It reminds us that we belong to one another.  I think it has something to do with this:

“But I say to you, love your enemies, and pray for those who persecute you, that you may be children of your heavenly Father, for he makes his sun rise on the bad and the good, and causes rain to fall on the just and the unjust.”  - Matthew 5:44-45

And thank God for that!   


*as recently as march…2012…little miss smarty pants right here.