You know those people who just have ‘it’? Everyone wants to be around them. They are magnanimous: joyful, confident, and generous. They are happy to be themselves. I want to be like that. But the pursuit is frustrating and fascinating; ‘it’ seems always attainable but just out of reach.
I've tried to acquire ‘it’ by imitation (because joy, confidence, and generosity are great qualities). I've tried to acquire ‘it’ by pursuing originality (because I know that I am created uniquely to be me). But I am left restless, still wanting whatever ‘it’ is.
|Finding 'it' is part elusive, part frantic. Yes, just like this.|
'It' is not just being funny, or kind, or a good listener, or generous, or happy, though these are good and imitable. Pope John Paul II said that we are not the sum of our weaknesses and failures. I think we are also not the sum of our gifts and successes. We are the sum of our Father's love for us.
No, what these people have, this ‘it’, is the deep peace resulting from the struggle and beauty of allowing the light of Christ to shine in their darkness, healing and revealing their true selves. These people have had an encounter with one who knows them and wants them in all their fullness. They have the better part which will not be taken from them.
Allowing Christ’s light to shine into darkness is uncomfortable and unnerving because what will be revealed is not yet known. But equally – actually more - uncomfortable and unnerving is darkness; the restless strive to ‘create myself’ through an endless game of imitation and originality. So let there be light.
Once I am convinced that darkness is scarier than light, it begins. We walk through my soul. As I watch Jesus teach me about each thing we see along the way, it becomes easier and easier to trust Him. He brings clarity, peace, and simplicity to what was confused, unknown, and tainted. My idea of finding 'it' through imitation and originality fades in the light of the glory of His new creation. And I am not alone in aching for light to shine.
At the beginning I said there were Personalities in God. I will go further now. There are no real personalities anywhere else. Until you have given up yourself to Him you will not have a real self. Sameness is to be found most among the most ‘natural’ men, not among those who surrender to Christ. How monotonously alike all the great tyrants and conquerors have been: how gloriously different are the saints. - C.S. Lewis
The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it.